Chapter 16 ~ Jam Session

This chapter reminds me of an activity I loved when I was a child. But, depending on the choice of my mother, the fun could be cut in half. I LOVED to sit in front of the fan and make noises and voices, letting them bounce off the spinning blades of the fan. What a blast that was. But, sometimes, my mother would put the oscillating fan on a chair in front of the door instead of the box fan. The result? I would have to follow the fan to get the full effect. I was not so inclined. Therefore, I only got to make noises half of the time.

This chapter felt like that oscillating fan. I enjoyed this chapter about half of the time. At one moment I was fired up with encouragement to trust that God knows what I need and the next minute I was wrestling with Jealousy. I have spoke about grace for so many years that when I face a difficultly, it is my first thought. "God's grace is sufficient for this." It is what I thought when I was first told of the mass in my left lung. At first I experienced some shock, but my heart gravitated to "God has this". I still believe that. But, after a couple of lung infections and two rounds of antibiotics, I still find myself struggling with the thought that things are not getting better and that this ugly visitor is growing and making inroads towards making more sick. My health has always been one area where I have struggled with jealousy. I look at people and wonder, why is it they can do all they do and still not have to struggle with health issues. Or so I think. I don't know the real answer, but I THINK I do.

One other area where I struggle with being envious. Is when I feel like someone "got there before me". I love to celebrate the success of others. It is one of my favorite things to do. I actually look for areas where those I care for have been successful. But... Let that be a person I have a "problem" with (a personal problem right?) then the "why do they get the breaks" thinking kicks in.

I really love Max's focus on the overflowing cup. It describes my life and I have been reminded hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, of God's blessing on my life. One person recently called me "God's golden boy". I am sure that is not true, but their life was in turmoil and in their eyes I was always successful. If they spent more time with me, they'd see the flawed thinking that represents.

But Max's closing story was quite the twist, I thought it was a better illustration of my struggle. I don't normally focus on what other people that I don't have, I wrestle with the level of accomplishment I believe I am capable of and the reality that I dream bigger than my execution. And when I am "filling bags" and "complaining" (pg 137-138 for the story) I am focused on what I WANT to see accomplished. But, then the rain comes. I am amazed at my "escape route."

I wonder, what makes you feel insignificant? Who has what you want? Where would you like to be that seems at arms length away?

Maybe none of these are true for you. Maybe like me, your jealousy is confined to a smaller part of your life, as if a small infection is not a problem, but it isn't a big distraction.

Regardless of your place, I pray that the words of this chapter have made you more aware of your blessings. My hope is that even if you don't need these ideas, that you feel better equipped to encourage someone who does.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts....