Chapter 13 ~ Silent Nights and Solitary Days

I don’t think I have ever truly been lonely.

I’ve never been in a place that I felt as if I would be alone, without human compassion or interaction, for a longer length of time.

Maybe you have.

People feel alone for a number of reasons. Some struggle with the inner turmoil of being unloved by ones that should have loved them. Others battle the words and taunting of others who find it

necessary to focus on physical flaws. Some have been loved and then rejected, spiraling them towards a hole of loneliness never experienced before that event. I have heard people say they feel lonely in a crowd of people. That is foreign to me.

As I read this chapter, one person came to mind. Her name, Rebecca Estes. Rebecca was one of the unfortunate souls who, for reasons beyond her own control, fell victim to the cruelty of others. If her world was not alone outside of the halls of our high school, it was unknown to me. I can still see her walking the halls between classes, by herself, among 2,500+ students. Although she never smelled bad, my mind still recalls her red hair, which looked like she

didn't wash or comb it. As she walked her face sat lowered and focused on the ground in front of her. Her features were not those of the average female, let alone cheerleaders or athletes that walked the hall beside her. Till this day, I still don’t remember ever hearing her voice. If she spoke in my presence at any time, my mind doesn’t recall it. I was as guilty as most, if not by participation, certainly by my silence, of withholding any attention that would have been encouraging. I am ashamed to admit, but I had participated in making fun of her, not that it makes it better, never in her presence. For some reason, that was the line I had drawn. Maybe to justify my actions. I had some scruples after all.

Over the past few years I have tried to find her on social media. I would like to see if she was still alive. I would like to apologize for not being a representation of the Christ I serve. She may not remember any of the childish behavior, but I do.

I was all into Rebecca's story and Max's thoughts on loneliness and how difficult it must have be for the her in this world of rejection and hurt when he changed gears.

I have to say that even after reading this book multiple times (I would guess at least 25), I don't know that this chapter ever stood out to me like it did this time.

"Max," I said, "what do you mean that loneliness is a gift? Are you just cruel or what?"

Of course, Max didn't answer, but his recorded thoughts on the topic sure did.

Here is what he writes and I find these thoughts quite rich in content. Come enjoy Max's responses with me...

• We'll try anything to unload our loneliness. This is one bag we want to drop quickly. But should we? Should we be so quick to drop it? Could it be that loneliness is not a curse but a gift? A gift from God? (pg 108)
• You are with me. Yes, you, Lord, are in heaven. Yes, you rule the universe. Yes, you sit upon the stars and make your home in the deep. But yes, yes, yes, you are with me. The Lord is with me. The Creator is with me. Yahweh is with me. (pg 109)
• You may be facing death...unemployment...marital struggles...debt... but you aren't facing ________ alone; the Lord is with you. (pg 110)

• Your family may turn against you, but God won't. Your friends may betray you, But God won't. You may feel alone in the wilderness, but you are not. He is with you. and because he is everything is different. you are different. (pg110)
• When you know God loves you, you won't be desperate for the love of others. (pg 110) You may want to read that one again, my people pleasing personality did.
• Loneliness. Could it be one of God's finest gifts? If a season of solitude is his way to teach you to hear his song, don't you think it's worth it? So do I.

Those are challenging thoughts.

Back to Miss Estes. I prayed this morning. I pray that if Rebecca is still taking in air on this globe known as earth, that the lonely life it seemed she endured during high school didn't totally blot out the love Christ has for her. That today, her life is plugged into the source of all life. I can't fix yesterday. Grace is applied and I am thankful. But, that same grace is what I wish for Rebecca.

I have had some lonely days. I pray now that when I they visit again, that I'll put in some CD's and let the tune tweek my 'tude.

How about you?